A Wizard Tale
Help the wizard find the princess in A Wizard Tale, a little adventure that combines some simple point'n'click with arcade action elements, and throws in some cute graphics and music for good measure.

Entry 1398, Wednesday, September 14th 2005, Filed In Games

A collection of Viz top tips to tickle your funny bone (it's quite a long list so remember to scroll down the page to view the other posts!). Some of them are a bit adult so skip this post if you're easily offended, an innocent child, or at work. Some of them are also a bit British, so if you're from further afield that this rainy island then you might not get them all. Anyway, top tips:

DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.

CINEMA goers. Please have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by having a pi$$ before the film starts.

RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Simply drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains

SOLDIERS Invest in a digital camera to avoid all that court martial tomfoolery after a trip to Trueprint.

MURDERERS Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.

BURGLARS. When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90?, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you.

EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.

GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending 50 to yourself by Royal Mail.

BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.

ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.

CAR thieves Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

DEPRESSED people Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

JEREMY Beadle When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.

SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.

SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.

ALCOHOLICS don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the pub, where a large selection is available at retail prices.

McDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.

EMPLOYEES - Have all your shits at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.

LADIES - An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

SCROOGES - Save money at Christmas by returning last year's cards to the sender, with the simple inscription "Same to you".

GENTLEMAN - Gauge the outside temperature using a 'plumometer'. Open your flies and dangling your plums in front of an open letterbox. If they shrink it is cold outside, if they go baggy it is warm, and if they remain the same size it is the same temperature outside as it is in the house.

PLUMBERS - Farts stored in a washing up liquid bottle can be ignited and used as an underwater welding torch for those tricky but essential emergency plug chain repairs.

MICRA DRIVERS - Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like sodding dodgem cars anyway, so it may as well look like one.

ADVENTUROUS LOVERS - Sprinkle talcum powder on each other's rings, then lie on the floor and fart up in the air to send each other sexy 'bum-smoke signals' across the bedroom.

ANGLERS - Attach a helium balloon to your line and bait the hook with an acorn. Then sit under a tree and 'fish' for squirrels. An upturned laundry basket would make an ideal keep net, but don't forget to throw the squirrels back into the tree at the end of the day

SINGLE men. Get a glimpse of married life by taping Woman's Hour on Radio 4, then playing it back at a higher volume than the TV whilst trying to watch something on Discovery Wings.

ENJOY indoor snorkling by filling a bath with water, then removing the plug quickly putting your mouth over it and breathing through the overflow.

TIGHT- arsed blokes. At this time of year, only date girls called Natalie, Carol, Holly or Eve. Chances are their birthday is around Christmas and you won't have to shell out for a present until then, by which time they will probably have packed you in.

CONSTIPATED driving instructors. Alleviate your discomfort by disconnecting the dual controls on the car when instructing a new pupil. If a stronger laxative effect is required, do the same thing but with a female learner.

[subbed by hazel]

Entry 1397, Wednesday, September 14th 2005, Filed In Stuff

Take The Train
A couple of cool little flash videos encouraging you to Take The Train. Only in France though. If you live any where else you'll just have to get stuck in traffic I'm afraid.

Entry 1396, Wednesday, September 14th 2005, Filed In Stuff

1337 Wager
If you've followed any of the 1337 discussion in the site comments you'll appreciate this video of a 1337 gameshow contestant.

Entry 1395, Wednesday, September 14th 2005, Filed In Stuff

Absence Of Fear
I'm not sure why a collection of pictures of underground stations and trains is named 'Absence Of Fear', and I'm not going to go to the trouble of translating the German text to try and work it out, but it doesn't stop the pictures been very cool. There are pictures from all around (mainly under) the world, but the one I have selected above is Southwark tube station, one of two stations near where I work.

Entry 1394, Wednesday, September 14th 2005, Filed In Stuff

Dizzy Newgrounds
Some enjoyable point'n'clickery with a cute little egg shaped fella in Dizzy Newgrounds. Rather a nice looking adventure, but 'run mode' is highly recommended, otherwise the little chap's dawdling is a little fustrating [subbed by bryan, journey, tia & tim].

Entry 1393, Tuesday, September 13th 2005, Filed In Games

Liberty City Stories
Dig out your PSP (or buy one if you haven't already - slow coach), Liberty City Stories is almost here...*cool*.

Entry 1392, Tuesday, September 13th 2005, Filed In Stuff

Quaint Room
Proper old skool point'n'click - trapped in a room, combine the objects you collect to find a way to escape, there's a clue in the wastepaper basket....all it needs is an Apple Mac on a desk and Quaint Room would have every essential point'n'click ingredient. The only bad thing is it's a tad too easy - although I've included a couple of visual clues (above) if you are having trouble [subbed by tafkam, jackie & lynn].

UPDATE: I should have mentioned before that this is the follow up to Swan's Room if you are thinking it looks familiar.

Entry 1391, Monday, September 12th 2005, Filed In Games

Isle Figa
Graphically Isle Figa isn't much to write home about, and the engrish language can be a little confusing, but I still really got into it. It's quite a satisfying little point'n'clicker.

Entry 1390, Monday, September 12th 2005, Filed In Games

Alien In The Room Reloaded
In an effort to get you all to stop sending me this one and send me something different (the effort is much appreciated though!) - here's Alien In The Room Reloaded - an update of the previously featured game Alien In The Room. Point'n'clickity people [subbed by jane, bob, tafkam, eb & tim].

Entry 1389, Monday, September 12th 2005, Filed In Games

Platform Zero
Posters in the underpass come to life in platform zero - just about the coolest short film I've found.

Entry 1388, Monday, September 12th 2005, Filed In Stuff

The Locomotive
Remember that Nesquik game a while back? The Locomotive is the same sort of 'just in time' style point'n'click game, but this one's Russian. BTW - I recommend playing with the music off [subbed by lynn].

Entry 1387, Monday, September 12th 2005, Filed In Games

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